Life of A Slave

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Okay, everyone. I have this thing on my mind and I wanted really quickly to write and share everything so that it could benefit to anyone that read this.

Okay, so this lately I have this symptom that called 'malas-solat'. I always love to delay my solat eventho i delay it for only 30 minutes after adhan. sometimes, I do critize myself on the nonsense behavious. I want him that go straight away to surau solat berjemaah but I'm here still sitting on a bed listening and watching benda benda lagha (or so called wasting my precise time that left).

So yes. I went to every place to seek for peace. I just wanted to feel this kind of calmness or peace or anything that you called. I'm pretty sure all of you know how the feelings that wanted to stay calm in any 'serabut' condition. But, as expected I didn't get all that. The things that only happen to me is I keep rebel and break the rules (asrama rules). That's the only way for me to get over with everything.

One day, I asked my friends Akif to bring to any pantai. I thought by looking with the good scenery that I own will let me forget about the exams and assignments. Forgot to mention that I'm sitting for my final exam in my final semester. you know what? the stress are higher in this final sem as I'm so not willing and ready to repeat any paper. :( Hopefully there will be not one paper that I'm going to learn back. So yes have too far away from the story.

I have been screaming and taking pictures. so yes, we are going to the beach. and its 4 of us and not only akif as I bring along two of my gf's. Lot of pictures were taken as one of my gf's are using Iphone 5. The excitement comes as I'm really feels that this is the way to end the tension besides eating.

Before reach the beach, we have been listening western songs in the car. All sort of songs. from the slower one to the faster one, we would be like enjoying ourselves in there. But, there is something missing from me. still, cant find it.

Quite longer post. will continue in Part 2.

No comments

We surely knows that there is nothing last forever in this world. Nothing will stay with us until the end exception our deeds and kindness that people will remember until the end of our life.

Yes, like the rest of you I really wish to have something/someone to stay. I mean like the real stay. To have someone that is really understands me, really could be someone that ease my tension during a day and also someone that could just accept the way I act, talk and etc. Too many dreams to ask to be fulfilled right?

Until some day, I could feel that all of that was only meant for a dreams. There is nothing like that in this world. Nothing long enough to stay with us. If you have a gadget, would the gadget stays along with you the rest of your life? The answer will be absolutely NO.

I dont know about this world as I'm less experienced myself. But people do go. All the times.

Please don't say that your spouse will always be with you because certain times, they do have fight with us due to some reasons. See? Evryone will start leave if they see the bad in us. But, who stays at the end of the road?

I feel devastated, sad and sometimes I feel pathetic to let at least someone understand my pain. I feel that I couldn't longer hold on to anything. Yes, once upon a time I lived by the faith that my friends, family are everything. But, who stays?

NO ONE!

You have to stand by your own as sometimes they couldn't longer hold to your hands. They need to let you go for someone else. Someone that is much understanding, flawless for them. Someone that knows how to behave well.

With this post, I really wish I could describe the sadness and the pain I have experienced that I truly believe that no one will understand except Him.

'lek ah, you should pray the best for him'

'kau kawan jenis apa tak faham kawan sendiri?'

'You are selfish.'

'You are people that couldnt see others happy'

What do you thought when someone that you really loves, really care didn't even try to take your matters into their concern anymore? left you hanging alone?

As I said, no one stays.

Lastly, I will like to remind all of you that the only thing stays is our deens. Do good to people. Because kindness is the only thing that stays.

In a grave when we died, thats only things that stays.

Not meant to leave what we have, but appreciate every single moments Allah gave you. Don't be too obsessed in protecting someone like myself.

P/s: I have no heart to be broke anymore. I'm hurt enough.

Selfreflection. Do pray for me. Jzkk.