So hey everyone.
I have been down lately. & turns out its not that easy to stand up and picking up all the courages.
I always think that I dont have so much worth compared to others. Since primary school, I always think that other person did achieve something more than myself. I always get the attention from teachers but in the same time, I always will be put aside as i dont have any tuition after school hours, i dont have any astro at that time and i am the one that dont have a driver that will bring me home after school. It may sounds silly but even my own english teacher has slandered me by saying that i will crash my science teacher engagement. During that time, I have the courage to face the teacher and telling him the truth but as time passed by, I do notice that i will just keep everything to myself.
I always feel like competing with others in so many things. Even during college time, my roomates, classmates will always compare pointers for every semester. Its an healthy competition tho. Just, the time will eventually passing by and all those memories whether its good or bad, will always become a lesson.
During my internship, I have been treated really bad. I couldn't even overcome the fears of people telling me that i'm not doing my best just yet. I'm trying my best for 3 months to serve them the best and then at the end of the internship, they just simply give me a bad results that cause my dreams to study overseas shattered into pieces. The dissapointment that i saw in my parents eyes at the moment is so unbearable. In fact, I still remember how upset they are during the time that i broke the news that i couldnt even apply for the scholarship/loan due to my bad results. I have been trying for almost 3 years, and at the end, Allah knows better. (Do pray that I have a strength and not really thinking about this. I just couldnt stop crying at the thought of this)
So, 3 years. then, i have decide to proceed with working eventho my parents has convinced me before that I shall further my study. I really dont have the passion anymore because all i could think is to serve my family. I wont let them down anymore. Plus i dont really have any money to spend on education at the moment. I could lend ptptn to further but as my morale really down at the moment, i start looking for jobs instead.
Working environment. I will proceed with Part 2.
Night.